Monthly Archives: February 2014

Then Un-Dreamable Dream

You know someone loves you when they are willing to give up their life in Australia to come live with you in Alaska.

A year ago, I never would have believed it was possible.  The love of my life was a citizen of a country on the other side of the world from me and as a lesbian couple, we saw no plausible way for us to be together.  Gay marriage was still illegal in most states and even if we went to one of the states where it was legal, there was no federal recognition of that marriage nor the rights that come with it. Our living in Alaska as a married couple seemed like an un-dreamable dream.

And then the un-dreamable dream came true.

DOMA was struck down and doors to our being together that were never open before burst open.  Regardless of whether gay marriage was legal in Alaska, we had the same federal rights as other couples and that included immigration rights.  We researched our options and applied for a K1 fiancee visa.  It has been a long six month process but she has been granted that visa and we are working on plans to meet in San Francisco to marry before returning to the Kenai as wife and wife.

As I look back on the entire process,  I realize that we have achieved the un-dreamable dream and we have achieved it because of the undying efforts of those that fought so hard for the equal rights for the lgbt community.  The lgbt community has much to celebrate but still has much work to do and those fighting for our rights have not stopped the fight.  They are moving from state to state fighting hate, discrimination and prejudice every step of the way to ensure that everyone in every state has the right to love who they love.

I also recognize in that in achieving our un-dreamable dream, we are becoming part of history.  We are the first generation to fully understand what it is we have gained due to their efforts.  We are the first generation to enjoy the fruits of the battle and the rewards that so many people have worked toward.  We are also the ones that will remember the before and appreciate the significance of the victory more than the generations to come.

This makes it our responsibility to make sure future generations understand the history they have not lived and know the names of those that fought so hard so they did not have to live the same history generations later.

The Kenai and the LGBT

Admittedly, I was a bit nervous about what it would mean for me as a lesbian living in Alaska.  Before making the decision to come to Alaska, I did a bit of research to see what the quality of life was in Alaska for gays and lesbians.  I really didn’t find much information at all.  Aside from a few personal accounts on some forums (some good, some bad), most of the information seemed to be about Anchorage.  I read some old news stories about how Anchorage passed some laws years back that were anti-lgbt but then I also read some stuff that indicated there was a growing gay culture centered around Mad Myrna’s.   There was also a Facebook page for Alaska Pride.  However, all the information I found was for Anchorage, and I was moving to the Kenai Peninsula, for which there seemed to be no information so I came to the Peninsula with a “Let’s wait and see” plan of action.

After a year of living on the Peninsula, my “let’s wait and see” plan of action has revealed that the Kenai Peninsula is full of the friendliest bunch of strangers I’ve ever met.  I have yet to encounter any issues living as a lesbian on the Kenai Peninsula and have found quite the opposite to be true.  Generally speaking, people are kind and helpful.  If you are stuck in a ditch you will have 4 people stop to ask if you need help.  If you say yes, they will help.  If you say no, they will wish you luck and continue on their way.   Everyone seems willing to help others when needed but generally do not pry into personal business so I very much feel that being gay on the Kenai is perceived as “who you love is your business so who am I to judge.”

This perception, however, seemed to run contrary to Alaska’s gay marriage ban.  If people really didn’t feel it was their business, how did Alaska end up with a gay marriage ban?  From what I was told by some long time Alaska residents is that some right wing anti-lgbt groups shipped people in from the lower 48 to raise a big stink about it because they really couldn’t get Alaskans to raise a stink about it.  The folks from the lower 48 held protests and organized an anti-lgbt movement that put pressure on lawmakers to follow suit with the states in the lower 48.  I’m sure there is more to the story given that all the people I talked were supportive of equal rights for all people.  They also told me a story of how a high school wanted to start a lgbt club and the anti-lgbt group raised a stink about it so rather than discriminate, the school just dissolved all student groups.

Another contradiction I found to the gay marriage ban is that of benefits.  My partner will be joining  me in Alaska soon. We will be married in San Francisco in about a month and then plan to live out our lives together on the Kenai.  In preparation for our marriage, I asked about whether or not she would be considered my spouse in terms of medical insurance and other benefits I receive through work.  I was told yes as long as I was married in a state where it was legal to marry, our marriage would be recognized.

I was a bit surprised by this but in hindsight, I don’t think I should have been.  I am very out at work and in my personal life.  I’ve never met anyone that expressed any issue to me.  I have had a few awkward stares but even they were polite and pleasant people to talk to.  Most of the people at work ask me about my partner.  How is she doing?  When will she be here? etc.  They seem sincerely interested and eager to meet her.  She has already been invited to more than a few dinner parties when she arrives.

I also am not the only gay person I know on the Kenai.  I have met many gays and lesbians including co-workers, community members, students, etc.  There seem to be a large number of gays and lesbians living on the Kena but there is nothing here that brings them all together like in Anchorage or other big cities.  I don’t know if that is because there isn’t a need for an actual community because we feel so integrated and accepted in the larger Kenai community or because we really haven’t faced an issue that would bring us all together to support each other.  I honestly don’t know.  It could be as simple as no one has opened a gay establishment that could serve as the gathering place for the gay community on the Kenai.

Perhaps the prejudice is there but it remains hidden behind awkward smiles.  Perhaps the folks on the Kenai really do consider it a private matter and respect that privacy.  Perhaps all the continued hate rhetoric in the news leaves me looking for it where it doesn’t exist.  Only time will really tell but I will say that the Kenai is full of the friendliest bunch of strangers I have ever met and don’t remain strangers for very long.  In many ways, living on the Kenai has been an escape from the hate for me but I really can’t escape it when the news is still filled with it and I still have to go to another state to get married.

I’m Confused

I can’t speak for others in the LBGT community but I find myself very confused by world events these days.   We have seen such a national uniting within the US against Russia’s anti-gay stance with the Olympics.   It is as if the people of the United States has united against a common enemy and finally turned a corner in recognizing that members of the LGBT community deserve the right to call themselves Americans.

Then Arizona turns around and passes legislation that is akin to Jim Crow laws that permit discrimination against members of the LGBT community.  Political leaders still spew LGBT hate rhetoric like their jobs depend on it.  The news is still filled with countless stories of gays and lesbians being beaten, harassed and bullied in the US, many states still do not include sexual orientation as a protected class, Oklahoma is threatening to ban all marriage in order to avoid legalizing gay marriage,   Suicide rates among LGBT youth are still rising.  The US idly stands by while other countries make being gay a crime punishable by death or life in prison.

You get my point…so now my question is this:  Are we really standing up for LGBT rights in Russia or are we just standing up to Russia?

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